Viva la Fabulous

Bunny and Rocco are recovering.

2008-04-20T13:38:00.003-05:00

Bunny and Rocco are two hot messes at the moment and both in recovery from last night's debauchery. Rocco went to a theme party and when Bunny arrived at his loft this morning he was still wearing his mullet weave from the night before. Bunny is *gasp* wearing big sunglasses and a ball cap while she's recovering from being a dancing queen downtown and drinking too many Wizards, one of her favorite cocktails.

Rocco is now boycotting leaving his loft and Bunny is considering going shopping for some lingirie. Whatever happens next, debauchery will certainly follow.

Also, for those of you who watch Rock of Love with Bret Michaels on VH1- I would just like to say that I am glad Bret chose who he did- as much as I loved Daisy, homegirl needs to get her act together. But her "ex-boyfriend" is sexy in a bad boy rocker way.

TTFN,
Bunny

Mariah Carey's New Song is Beyond Bad

2008-02-12T15:05:00.000-06:00

I have to admit I was strangely looking forward to Mariah's new single. Especially since Madonna & Justin Timberlake's new song is almost upon us. I was hoping for it to be so amazing that we would really have a battle for the best new song. However Mariah not only dropped the ball, but she's not even in the same playing field. It is pure garbage. A filler track from "Butterfly" at it's best. Here you go, listen away.
Touch My Body - Mariah Carey

The Superbowl, Single Thoughts, and Bunny's Crush

2008-02-05T20:37:00.000-06:00

Admittedly, it has been far too long since Bunny's last post. However, I can justify that because of the NFL Playoffs, doing fabulous socialite things, and work. But now it is time to reflect on the past several weeks so that you are never out of the loop.

The Superbowl
What an amazing game. While I am a Cowboys fan at heart, when my boys lost their Superbowl bid, I was forced to choose sides in one of the most important games in NFL history. I assume at this point you are asking yourself, "Bunny likes football? How could that be?" Well, Bunny has many facets. And one of those facets is the all American love of football and the love of America's team- The Dallas Cowboys. Moving on, the overhyped drama that was the Patriots undefeated season came to a head on Febuary 3rd. And while I can appreciate that they did play some good football, it just seemed that Brady and his boys were riding the arrogance wagon a little hard. And then enter Eli Manning who brought those boys to their knees. And while his recievers didn't bring their A game to Arizona, the victory was well won. Not to mention the delight I felt while watching the "Tom Brady Getting Sacked" montage in the 3rd quarter because up until this game, Brady had been the untouchable pretty boy baby daddy of the NFL. And thanks to Manning and the Giants, Brady and Belicheck are off of their high horses and now the 72 Dolphins can sleep a little easier knowing their record is still in tact.

Single Thoughts
At lunch today with HH, one of my fabulous (and straight) guy friends, he reminded me that Valentines day is a mere 9 days away. Valentines day for the single people is like being the little Jewish kid at your 3rd grade Christmas party.This also cause me to reflect on the things that I have learned in my 2 or so years of being a single lady (also to be called as the post-LWF era). As more time goes by and I see more of my single friends couple off, there are certain lessons a single girl must learn. The first is that you have to cope with becoming the 3rd or 5th wheel when you go out with your friends, which is admittedly not always easy, but if you can't handle being around couples, you might as well just stay home. The second lesson I have learned is that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. While coupledom can be nice, it is still nice for me to be able to make plans on my own without ok'ing it with someone or having to reply "I'll have to see what WE have planned." Not to mention the horror stories you hear from your coupled friends about the minute and silly things they fight about. My significant other is a chihuahua who doesn't care if I stay out too late or have too much wine. The third lesson I have learned is to stay at home on Valentines day, close the blinds, and have too many cocktails and order takeout. Because as I have learned, being a strong black woman means you don't have to have a man.

My Crush
Is a bartender. The bad boy type. Oh, and he knows it. Admittedly he is "the guy you see in-between boyfriends" which to me = dangerous. Shaved head and tatooed. And while generally I am attracted to suit-wearing, VP title having,SUV driving, Guido types, there's just something about a bad boy that can drive even the most well-behaved socialite types crazy. So I guess I'll just enjoy the eye candy for now.

Cocktail time.

xoxo,
Bunny

The Snooze Bowl

2008-02-03T22:56:00.000-06:00

I called it. That is all.

As of 4:15 this afternoon...

2008-02-02T19:53:00.001-06:00

I weigh 161 lbs. yay

Rocco is a victim...

2008-01-29T18:11:00.000-06:00

of the flu! Damn all the luck. Here I am devoting time at the gym and I get sick. My best gay has it as well so now that the gays have the flu it should be all over the playground. Im drinking theraflu and listening to Taylor Swift. Which reminds me...

Bunny and I went hunting for predators today at our office. We haven't been able to get together at the office in awhile so that was fun. First I shall divulge the deets about the office. Its in a grocery store, little bistro tables (granite) right next to packaged salami and cheeses. It's a sad sad world when the best sushi in town comes from Crookshire's. Anyway, some socialites meet up at Starbucks or Pinkberry, not us, we're too cool for something so ordinary.

The predator hunting was unsuccessful. None were out and about. However, had we stayed about 15 minutes later we would have found a whole slew. Some po-dunk town 60 miles away thought it would be an amazing school field trip to send the small children to a 'big city' grocery store. Had we had the time, I just know we would have found predators o' plenty.

So Im cranky and at home. The Florida primaries are on and I am either going to be devestated or happy. I am not watching cuz I can not handle the rollercoaster of emotions as the percentages come in. Come on Hillary! Bill, stay at home! Youre fucking it up. Which reminds me...

How about Obama being a complete and total douche bag and giving Hillary the shaft at the State of the Union Address last night? I'm over it. goodnight

Rocco Goes to Figure World

2008-01-28T15:18:00.000-06:00

So I Rocco, being of no longer thin body and jager-mind, am at a crossroads. 2007 was a very fun year, but upon looking at my December diet of What-a-Burger & Jager, I realize that I may not have made the best decisions for myself health-wise. However, I certainly lived it up in the hijinks's and debauchery department. One night I'm spray painting Railroad ties bright silver (every little bit helps) and the next Im holding a beer bottle in my hand trying to fight a much larger than myself drunken redneck. I must somehow continue to have fun and save the world from square toed shoes and live a healthy (healthy in the gay world for those who don't know equates a body fat % of an Olsen and the tan of Paris Hilton in June)life. Woe is me.

Fact: I gained 15 lbs in one month.

Let's give a little background history shall we? I have always been in the 145-155 range. I hardly ever gain weight and eating fast food has never been a problem. That is until I went to LA for New Years, tried on a D&G sweater, only to discover... love handles! Where did these monstrosities come from? They are foreign and un-welcome. Never in my life have I been looked at as fat, but there I was in Bloomingdale's, no longer a small/medium. The D&G is now a large, and the Seven for all Mankind jeans, now a 30/31. I should have seen this coming. For a few months, there have been things in my closet I could no longer wear. I of course dismissed it as poor laundering. Which isn't an odd concept, considering the fact that I do housework about as well as George W runs the country.

So here I am in January with a mission. I can either eat myself into the 50% off bin at the big and tall store, or I can re-gain my status as a small/medium with a 29 inch waist. I shall never wear only black or hide under bulky layers, so off I go to Figure World, with a new years resolution to not only lose the excess weight, but to become a prime figure of health and sex symbol-dom. A tad lofty I know, but anything worth doing is worth doing drunk...errr, well.

So here is my analysis from the gym. I am not amused.

Weight - 171 lbs
BMI - 22.7%
Body Fat - 15.3%
Waist - 34 WHAT??!?!?!
Biceps - 13 (I'm a skinny fat person)
Hips - 37.5
Thigh - 21.25

That was just 2 weeks ago. I have lost 3 lbs since then due to a yo yo diet of water, vodka, salads & Taco Bell. But it gets better. Last night I took photos of my midsection. This is not good. I repeat not good. I can not believe I am doing this. I guess if this doesn't prove my willingness to change then nothing will. These are not for the faint of heart. I also believe that I have belly button lint. Since when did I start getting belly button lint? Apparently the folds in my stomach eat my clothing because I need to be eating something at all times.

So I am hitting the gym 4-5 times a week now, nothing too serious and am attempting 4 yoga classes a week. I will update as often as possible cuz I can't just throw up pictures of my grossness without proving I am changing it. So its serious. I have sadly, left Bunny to her own devices as of late, but don't you worry, I am quite capable of hijinks's. Why just this last weekend I went on a bender starting at around 2:30 in the afternoon and ending at about 3:30 a.m. I'm still hardcore, just not as often. Bunny and I will be back in full form together very soon. Just yesterday our lazy asses were texting each other while laying in bed. She was watching Lifetime or something but I was attached to America's Next Top Model. I don't know what it is about that show, but I love it. They replayed the entire season with Natasha, who by the way, should have won. Have you seen Jaslene's commercials? She sounds like John Leguizamo in "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar." Its horrendous. So I am getting back to work, a girls gotta pay the bills somehow. Carry on.

Bunny gets a phone call from her ex. There is vodka to be drank.

2008-01-17T20:35:00.000-06:00

It is 2008 and Bunny has made a resolution to become less of a party girl and more of a domestic goddess. And for Bunny it means, instead of going out for wild nights with her lady friends, she drinks vodka at home and cooks dinner. During her domestic bliss tonight, the Dreaded Ex calls as if out of nowhere. She answers the phone unaware at the emotional assault she is about to endure. But before she begins the actual story,Bunny must inform you of all of the pertinet background information.

Long long ago, in a land filled with Coach handbags and bottles of Coppola Chardonnay, Bunny had a boyfriend. This boyfriend was the best a girl could imagine. One who showered her with attention and gifts and treated her to luxurious handbags on every holiday imaginable. Bunny and the boyfriend were the envy of all in her small town. They had a fabulous apartment, good looks, a stocked liquor cabinet, and absolutely adored each other. Until, that is, when Bunny's boyfriend decided she was nothing more than Mid Life Crisis Barbie and packed up his Uhaul and headed for (gasp!) Arkansas. And as much of a strong Black woman Bunny likes to think she is, this deeply hurt her feelings.

Fast foward to two years later, Bunny has a new job, fabulous friends, and a great rack to compliment it all. However, there are some underlying issues with her ex, which is understandable given all Bunny has been through. So one night while Bunny is surfing the interweb and enjoying her evening, the phone rings. And although the Caller ID says "You Probably Shouldn't Answer This Call" Bunny does anyways.

After some friendly niceties and chit chat, the topic moves on to the new dating lives of Bunny and her Ex (separately of course). As Bunny informs the Ex of updates in her life (and from hereonout the Ex shall be referred to as LWF), LWF begins with a story of his own dating shennanigans. It begins with him meeting someone who he is finally mildly interested in and dated a few times. The story progresses into LWF and his new lady friend expressing mutual feelings of like and possible love and whatnot. However, LWF goes out of town for work and while on a "business dinner" commences into having a few too many cocktails and incessantly texts and calls his lady friend while under the influence. This comes as no suprise to Bunny who has seen this in action several times, but to a new comer can seem suprising and strange. Naturally his lady friend is shocked and now views LWF as a total psycho.

At this point in time, the conversation seems to be nothing but a swapping of "war stories" if you will of 2 people who are experiencing single life yet again. That is, unti LWF has the audacity to then ask Bunny how he can right the situation with his lady friend now that he has scared her off as a result of his drunkenness. It is at this point that Bunny becomes enraged.

It is one thing for two exes to swap stories of their newfound single lives (if those two exes are able to do that without war ensuing, which Bunny and LWF are) but it is far another thing for LWF to ask Bunny for RELATIONSHIP ADVICE. As if. Because in the post-breakup era where exes pretend to be friends and pretend to be able to engage in conversation about their separate romatic lives,there are some lines you never draw in the sand. Asking for relationship advice is one of those lines. Because casually discussing your potential romatic conquests with an ex seems nice enough on the outside, it's really a passive-aggressive attempt to prove to the other that you are doing better than them.

Bunny is enraged for several reasons, which shall be listed here:

1. LWF was unable to figure out how to make things work with Bunny, why does he think she will give him the magic key to some other less than worthy hillbilly?

2. Bunny has enough to worry about, namely what she is going to wear for her picture tomorrow that will be featured in the upcoming society mags, she cannot be bothered with this.

3. Single life is hard enough. It does not need to be made harder by trying to help your ex try and find love. Match.com is for that.

4. Bunny had a fabulous hair day. And there were no potential admirers to come by her office an notice it.

That is enough for now. Vokda is calling my name.

xoxo,
Bunny

Leon's First Visit of 2008

2008-01-10T16:43:00.000-06:00

Leon strolls into my office and sits at my desk and asks me if I know a girl named “Angel” to which I respond “Uh, no Leon.” He says that Angel has a mean boyfriend. Leon informs me that he has been staying at home, trying to keep his head above water, and looking for a new girlfriend. He said he is still getting phone calls from his old girlfriend and he told her, “You need to go to church, girl. Because I’m tired of tellin’ my friends about you.”

Apparently Leon’s ex-girlfriend has been doing that “bad stuff that isn’t good.” I’m not sure what that means but I’m fairly certain it’s not legal. Leon confirms my suspicions by saying that he told her, “You need to go to rehab. Runnin’ that business down there. I’m in the shoeshine business and don’t got time for all of that.”

Leon informs me that he is going to the Zone tonight to see if they are open. He says he knew they were open on Monday night for a big football game but seems to be unsure if they are still open, so he is going to go check it out. “They need to do something about that place, “ Leon mutters. According to him it’s “small, they don’t clean it up, and it has an odor.” “They go downstairs and don’t clean it up. There’s a scent somewhere.” I must say, I have not noticed a strange odor coming from or around the Zone, but Leon may have some sort of superhuman sense of smell I am not aware of.

Leon looks upset. He tells me that he “doesn’t like the way that guy treated me that night.” Upon my questioning him for more information, he informs me that he thought he saw Mark shake me by my shoulders. I inform him that he must have been mistaken because Mark and I are friends and he replies, “But you ain’t no man. You don’t mess around like that.” Yes on a more positive note, he informs me that this past year was especially profitable for him at the Zone- he said he got 4 $10 bills and 5 $20 bills without doing any shines around the holidays.

I just saw Leon spit on my bosses shoe and then use his spit as the substance to shine his shoe. My boss is unaware of this because he left his shoes with Leon and went back into his office. I promptly send an email to my boss warning him of the possible dangers of today’s shoe shine.

“It’s alright to play but it’s how you play and when you play, “ says Leon. I’m not sure what this is in reference to, but we’ll go with it.

Upon commenting on the romanic relationshiops of patrons of the Zone he says that, “it’s just a mishmash of everyone. They just rotate.” Yet another puzzling statement that I choose to not ask for further explanation.

Leon proceeds to ask me, “You know Phil pretty well? What’s his problem?” I reply that I am not aware of what he is talking about. Leon continues, “He ain’t gotta worry about nothin’. Just be Phil.” He said he once advised Phil to go out and get a woman that has a bunch of kids. Leon mumbles incoherently about “stepping on toes” and then adamantly says to nobody in particular, “You gotta be real. You can’t just be half real.”

“You can’t be coming downtown to hang with menfolk and then run to my part of town and spend that money. You don’t walk no man to their car and then walk around the block and leave.” This comment was in regards to his ex-girlfriend. I am unable to decipher what the rest of the story is.

Leon then asks our Fed-Ex delivery person who is in full uniform if they work at Jack in the Box. I find this amusing since her outfit is covered in FedEx logos.

Leon likes to dress wild but does not prefer striped suits. Especially ones that look like candy canes.

Leon begins discussing with himself the fact that everyone he knows looks alike. His explanation for this is “ I guess because i’m artistic.”

Before walking out the door, Leon tells myself and Johna, “Yall have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.” Today is January 10th.

Bunny is drinking wine at the Floosie's...

2008-01-08T20:01:00.000-06:00

So where is Rocco? I'll tell you where he is. He's off at Figure World. Steadfastly sticking to his New Year's resolution to be healthier and whip his body into bikini-ready shape. And while I am somewhat impressed with his new found commitment, I am a little hurt that Rocco has chosen Figure World over his two best friends in the whole wide world- Vodka and Bunny (not in that particular order).

When you do decide to cross back over to the fabulous side, I will accept the pair of Chanel sunglasses you got in L.A. as an apology.

xoxo,
Bunny

Puppies in the Park with Rocco and Bunny

2008-01-08T19:51:00.001-06:00

It's a lazy but beautiful Saturday afternoon and Bunny decides to make the best of it and give Rocco a call to see what hijinks he is up to. After spreading gossip like wildfire and talking trash about everyone for no particular reason, they decide to take their chihuahuas to the park to frolic and play. Ready to go with designer sunglasses and bevvies in hand, they arrive at Fergfeld Park.

Now it must be noted that Rocco's pup Miss Cleo is a teacup while Bunny's pup Geraldo is not. Predictably, all of the little children that happen to be frequenting the park that day run wildly afte Miss Cleo and attempt to pet and/or cuddle her. Rocco is not amused. "She has rabies and it's her last day on earth before she's executed" Rocco warns the little children much to their horror. Clearly Rocco has no soul and hate in his heart. Bunny notes that Rocco does indeed, need to find Jesus in the typical Southern way of thinking.

But back on to bigger and better things as Rocco and Bunny scour the park for potential Predators and ex-husbands. As the puppies play and frolic in their typically cute puppy fashion, they notice a child running towards them in the distance. Rocco and Bunny don't think much of it considering they are in fact, at a park on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Within moments, they both realize that the child running towards them (who is actually chasing after a friend of his) has a very obvious physical disability. Like clockwork, Bunny's dog Geraldo notices this as well and proceeds to chase the poor child down and growl and bark rabidly at the child.

It is at this point that Bunny realizes that it is in fact, Geraldo that needs Jesus, not Rocco.

And it is yet another fabulous day in the life of Rocco and Bunny.

Leon is Back at My Desk, Part Trois

2008-01-03T00:56:00.001-06:00

Like clockwork, Leon is here for his weekly loitering. He is at my desk and asking Jana(whose desk is across the lobby) if she has a boyfriend. He says he is here looking for a marraige license and money. He advises Jana not to “be like somebody he knows” and have “a lot of friends.”

Leon is wearing not only his Santa hat, but a very stylish pair of shades.

Leon is contemplating buying a car this year. He wonders aloud if he can find someone to ride around with him.

When I ask him what he’s been up to today his response is only, “Making money.” Then he asks me if “i can tell by the tone of somebody’s voice if they are at home.” The scenario is: Leon calls his lady friend around 9 and his lady friend says she is on her way home from work. He called her again at 10 and she never answered. He suspects she was at home the whole time. Why she would be at home and lie about being at work? I confirm that this lady is not the one who previously hung out with Leon and his brother concurrently.

My advice is for Leon not to hang out with questionable ladies. I tell Leon, “Maybe you’re just looking for love in all the wrong places.” Which was apparently the wrong thing to say because he replied, “Maybe I need to stop looking in the wrong places and look for you.” To which my response was “ I don’t think so.”

Leon is now babbling about how his lady friend had her phone on for somebody else. He advises me “ I’m a lawyer, a detective, and I knows the law.” Leon also says, “Don’t play the playa. I’m a big time playa but I don’t play them games no more. I used to have 5,10, 20 women on the streets and that’s why I don’t fool with them no mo.” And then to add futher justification to his case he foreshadows, “ I’m gonna put some salt and pepper on her,” and then laughs in a very sinister and creepy way.

I can’t wait to get my own office with a door.

Happy Hannukah

2007-12-23T16:22:00.001-06:00

Don't send a lame Holiday eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

Tired of Christmas movies?...

2007-12-21T16:23:00.001-06:00

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Fabulous Group of Gays?

2007-12-15T12:28:00.000-06:00

What the fuck ever. Rocco is unamused.

Bunny is drunk, Rocco is unaware.

2007-12-15T00:03:00.000-06:00

After having dinner at our local Bennigan's with my fabulous group of gays, Bunny and her friend The Floosie, headed downtown to our favorite sports bar. However, we must flash back to the moment when Bunny's gays dared her to get on all fours on the table and pose for the stalkerazzi and questioned Bunny's gumption. However, Bunny is not to be jacked with and immediately cleared the table of all unnecessary objects and got into position. So now you know what kind of night I am faced with.

A few short Carly Simon and Jay-Z songs later, Bunny and the Floosie entered their favite hangout that was overflowing with potential characters on "To Catch a Predator." Unfortunately on this particular evening, hilarity does not ensue. Not yet that is.

I am currently at the residence of the Floosie drinking numerous cocktails comprised of Red Bull and Jaegermister. Because that's how I roll. Nobody knows what will happen from this moment. However, since Bunny has to take Christmas portraits with her mother at noon tomorrow, I'm sure hilarity shall ensue from the results of tonight's debauchery.

So, my lovelies that is all I have for now. Stay tuned for the latest news and weather.

Word to your mother,
Bunny

Go Elf Yourself!

2007-12-14T13:00:00.000-06:00

We've been elfed. Check it!
Us as Elves!

Rocco left to his own devices, causes riot

2007-12-14T11:50:00.000-06:00

So last night Bunny hopped on down to Summerfields, which is this seedy little bar in a hotel chock full of predators. So I was left to myself. During this time, I was to do 3 things.

1) Go take my exam
2) Go to the grocery store and get 3 things
3) Have dinner with the lesbians (AKA my fabulous parents)

So I handled number 1 all by myself. Went to the school and passed it, I only missed 1 question and it was a mathematical equation thing and pretty people don't need to know about that anyway. So I passed and left to go to the grocery store. I got the dog food, toothpaste and a case of water and went to the express lane. Which is 12 items or LESS. Not as many items as you wish. So I'm standing there waiting in line and there are several people ahead of me. Finally there is only one couple checking out ahead of me.

Let me tell you about these bastards. They re children of the earth or whatnot, bringing their own burlap grocery sack and they're wearing the velcro sandals and beige socks. I don't know what it is about the earth types but they looove the color beige and tan. For the record, beige is not a color in the fashion world. Its borderline a color in the apartment wall world. But I digress. So I'm standing there, holding my case of water, dog food and toothpaste waiting on these idiots. Trust me, Ive been counting the beeps the scanner makes as the food goes in. Finally beep number 12, then 13, then 14, then 15, 16, 17, 18. EIGHTEEN, I was livid. These people think theyre so high and mighty with their eco-friendly grocery bags and their clothes made of hemp and their Toyota prius ( I dont really know about that part but I tend to make stuff up) that they can now go into the 12 items or less lane with 18 items. Then they cant even find their checkbook. Which is another thing, who uses checks anymore. Much less at an express lane which is supposed to be quick?!? Then they are like wait!, we have coupons and theyre printed on recycled paper. So I couldn't handle it anymore and said...

"Why dont you take you, your recycled paper and your 18 items and go to a regular lane. Instead of illegally using the express lane, ass." To which i got a swift,

"young man I would expect someone to not use such inappropriate language in public."

"Well I would expect someone who lived through the great depression to be smart enough to realize that the express lane is for 12 items or less, not 12 items or less unless you feel youre important enough to use this lane."

"You dont have to be so rude about it"

"Me, rude? Are you kidding me? Youre taking 15 minutes at an express lane and youre calling me rude? Isnt that like Corky from Life Goes On calling the president retarded?" (He of course did not get my pop culture reference from the early 90's being that he probably does not believe in television, and hair product might i add.

...so the back and forth went on for quite some time and the manager finally had to come over. And not the cute one, heaven forbid someone with a clue would come over, but a predator had to come and handle the situation. You know the type, short, fat, balding, with a penchant for young girls in plaid skirts. Im quite sure he lives at home with his mom. "Whats seems to be the problem here?" he said.

"Ill tell you the problem, this guy and his wife seem to think they dont have to follow the rules and that express lanes are here for them as well, 18 items and all!"

"Well this young man has an attitude problem and a foul mouth!"

"I said 'ass' and for the record its in the Bible. Jesus rode his disciples ass all the way back to Bethlehem!"

"Gentleman calm down, this does not need to get out of hand. You sir, are okay, the express lane is here to make things easier and since were not at full capacity I see nothing wrong with you using this lane. However please make sure that next time you use the appropriate lane if you can see that were rather busy. And as for you young man I would appreciate it if you could refrain from returning until you know how to handle yourself in public. This is a family owned business with families as customers and we do not appreciate such a foul mouth."

I of course gave him the finger, swiped my credit card and left.

So I had accomplished 2 things out of the 3. Now all I had left was dinner with the parents and that went rather well. All in all, I think 2 of them went off without a hitch making it a rather successful evening. Bunny on the other hand is hungover as hell today. Which reminds me, I have to get off of here and go have lunch with her. See if she knew how to behave she could have been in bed at a reasonable hour and had a clean loft to show for it. Not having to pick up her car from a hotel at 7 am with only one eyebrow on, but I digress. I need a martini. Grey goose with a splash of holy water perhaps?

Things You Would Catch a Predator Doing on a Rainy Night.

2007-12-12T19:48:00.000-06:00

(That one might be suprised "To Catch a Predator" Doing)

1. Troll online chat rooms for potential victims.

2. Knit a cozy afghan

3. Make some iced tea (You know, in case you might have company.)

4. Lurk in the drivers seat of their Monte Carlo in front of Chuck E. Cheese while drinking a Strawberry Frappucino.

5. Watch "To Catch a Predator" to see if any of your friends are big TV stars now.

Leon Comes Back for Round 2

2007-12-10T22:48:00.000-06:00

Leon is at my desk talking trash about James Reeves. According to Leon he is worse than Jake Eiffel. He is back at my desk for the second time today because he forgot his wallet earlier.

Now he is talking to James Reeves asking him if he can go sit in his office. He is now telling James who I am (I have no idea why he is mentioning me to him) and explains to him that I work at “Bank Crop South!” and it is located next to the “Down Under Pub and Scrub!”

Before leaving Leon further warned me about the dangers of hanging out with James Reeves. He said that he would “put something up my nose that would make me pass out.” And before making his final exit, looks at me with a serious face and says “ You need to get you a crusty man like me.”

I can’t even make this stuff up.

Leon is at My Desk

2007-12-10T15:52:00.000-06:00

He is wearing a Santa hat. He asked to use my phone and pulled out one of my business cards with numbers scrawled all over the back of it. Upon my questioning of him using my business card as a notepad he responded “You know I gots to know how to get ahold of yall.” He is also mumbling incoherently about “making a fool of him” and “the lady answered the door holding a hot pipe in her hand.”

He went all the way to Walgreens to get some time for his telephone and locked up his bike and he came out and it was gone. Now Leon has a new bike with rear seat suspension. Admittedly, it is a pretty sweet bike. It’s actually nicer than the one my boss bought not too long ago.

Leon just informed me that he has made $125 a day, which means according to him, “Is enough to take me to Jakes.” I informed Leon we would not be going to Jakes together. However, he said that there is a waitress at Jakes who has hit on him- this could be a good opportunity. She apprently has talked to him about “romance.”

Leon is now talking about his momma teaching him a lesson. The lesson he learned is “don’t be greedy and don’t be bitin’ me!” I decide not to ask him to elaborate on why his mother had to ask him to stop biting her.

Someone told Leon that they were bored, his suggestion was to take a shot of Wild Turkey and then have that person watch him shine shoes.

Leon is leaving now. He “has to get to Hollytree before it rains,” he says as he adjuusts his Santa hat. Leon says it is going to rain tonight and tells me “I need to be at home” and he “better not see me out.”

In regards to the bars, he “hopes they all stay open till the devil shuts them down,” because “it’s good for his shoe shine career.” And off he rides on his fancy new bike.

Behold

2007-12-10T14:56:00.000-06:00

for we are coming soon